In the midst of these blurry days between Christmas and New Year’s, I’ve made the decision to have a few days just to myself. After the family festivities, before the fun times with friends; just me, myself & I.
the whole year till now is filled with a non-stop busy rush from waking to sleeping, work to play, exercise to sleep. there is no other time of year when we have the space of several weeks or so, where life demands little of us.
so what better time to reconnect with ourselves? with the self inside who so desperately needs to catch a breath..
how was 2017 for you? did it feel easy, in-sync? did you live intentionally, with purposeful direction and conscious action?
i know i certainly didn’t. not 100% of the time. not for lack of trying. but 2017 threw us many curveballs, collectively. and individually i have no doubt it was a hard one for all of us.
growing up sucks sometimes, let’s be honest. yeah sure we get freedom, independence and the means to live as we choose. but with that comes responsibility, awareness, and a conscience.
we start to see more of the world. more hurt, more pain; more loss, more grief. we start to see more of ourselves. who we are. who we want to become.
which face do we show the world? are we proud to be ourselves? do we truly love who we are?
i’ve been working for many years now on de-programming myself from the matrix. on re-programming myself with a better truth. and while i still have much work to do, i’m certainly feeling the positive effects as 2017 rolls to a close.
when i look back on recent years, so much has changed in my life. both externally and internally.
in 2015, off the back of a break up (the earth-shattering, soul-splitting kind) i was more lost than i’d ever been. the side-effects of seeking meaning and love outside of myself reached their climax with my competing in a body building show. obsession with my image and outward appearance came crashing down around me in a tidal wave of depression and bulimia.
in 2016, by being confronted with my darkest demons, a new path had awakened inside of me. i made the decision to move back to new zealand. i crawled home to heal myself, to ground myself, to find my feet in the place where my soul could rest. as i healed myself, my relationships around me began to heal. i remembered who i was, who i came here to be.
in 2017, i learnt how to be seen as my new self. how to be comfortable and confident with the me i had found deep within. i learnt that there is always going to be more work to do, that forging my own path was going to be fraught with confusion and challenge. i learnt that the way of the world is not the way for me, because i’m here to build a new world, which means i have to walk a new way.
and now, 2018, where will life lead me? where will i choose to travel to? what lies ahead? with this new year, i am choosing to consciously create that future, to create my reality; to dream up the life i want to live, and believe it into being.
life’s lessons gain meaning the further we go. as 2017 closes its doors i give thanks for those lessons. for new ones and old. i give thanks for my family, my friends, all souls sharing this journey with me. you have all given me something to help me along, and for that i am grateful.
i give thanks for life. to be here, alive. to experience these moments, to ponder upon their meaning. self-awareness is a gift, although it feels like a curse at times. but i am here, we all are, and that is magic in itself.
i hope you take some time to reflect upon your journey. to congratulate yourself for where you are, for who you are, for the self you are becoming. it’s hard to be a human, no doubt about that. so for being here, you are a hero. your own hero. a hero the world needs.
all my love, one last time for 2017. i wish you blessings, abundance, love and magic.
Art by Ouvra